It has been a good time shedding, keeping to myself, practicing and learning. I admit that its a constant struggle being here, not that my life is miserable, but in some areas like musicality, loneliness, and the freaking winter.
The faithful open market - my favourite 'hangout'
I like being alone. When i mention loneliness, i do not mean so much of being lonely but rather being alone. Sometimes my struggle with this is that i choose to be alone at times. The same way when i was in KL doing my degree. I often choose to just stay in my room all day when i do not have work, just order a takeaway at eat in my room, watching dvds, series, one after another until the day ends. That was my routine. My routine here is very much the same. But it feels different. Even though I choose to be alone, many at times when im out, i feel that im being isolated by the people here. Everyone here is friendly and appear not to be racist. But at the same time, most of them try to avoid having a conversations with me. Most of it are smiles, hi, bye, and disappear. Its hard to hang out even if I ask them to because we'll usually run out of things to say to each other. Even just a few days ago when i decided to play football with the guys from my college whom most of them i've never spoken to, during the break i tried to have conversations but they just gave single word answers and tried to ignore me in a friendly way. They have their cliques and i feel that i just dont belong. I also take the fact of during the match most of them would choose not to pass the ball to me. Taking all these into account, i do not blame them. I used to do the same to foreigners when i was studying in M'sia. I feel more comfortable with my fellow country-mates, not having to try so hard to think what to talk about or what NOT to say so I wouldn't offend the person. Just trying to keep life simple. But that did not mean I was racist. So I wouldnt say they are racist. Of course some of my classmates would hang out with me at times; most of them not English, some are Irish, Polish, Nepalese, American, etc. And that explains why i see Asians hang out with Asians here. I seldom see a clique with mixed colours. There was once a random English girl spoke to me and i wasn't paying attention so I just said "pardon" and she immediately did a waving gestured with her hands like she didn't mean to say anything to me since I couldn't understand English. Hello??
Spent Chinese New Year in Sheffield with Willie (guy) (duh) who's an old friend, and his other friends.
Went for steamboat
It was a good time during December though, when Adeline came for a visit during winter. Winter is the most depressing period because it gets dark early in the evening (4.30pm) and the general mood of everyone is pretty lowbeat. So it was good that Adeline came. We had fun during our visit to Barcelona too. And i had fun cooking all the meals for her.
In Barcelona's Park Guell with the colourful Salamander
Speaking of not gigging, I am finally going to be participating in May, in Headingly Jazz Fest, which I will play and sing. I think its about time that i get out of my skin and put what i have practiced into my performance. It has been a good time being away from public performances, which is what I have wanted. After all the times in M'sia just having gigs non-stop, it can be pretty monotonous musically. Thats one of the reasons I came here, apart from learning, is to take a break from my life temporarily. It is hard to improve in many ways because there's lack of inspiration to improve musically back there.
One of the many workshops I've attended during my time here. This was a touring jazz band from Canada. They had a Brazilian vocalist who's amazing.
Despite what all i have said, its been good being here. I've learnt to cook some dishes. I've had an interest in cooking since i was young and i remember having to stand in the kitchen very often next to my mom watching her cook because i was interested in cooking. I was just too lazy to bring myself to do it. It has always been my dream to learn to cook.
Being in England, I feel closer to the football scene as well. My real passion has always been football instead of music, except that it has no realistic value. But I've never watched (on screen) so many matches in a season in my life before until I came here. It has been good. And next week I'm going to Old Trafford for the first time, the stadium of my beloved Manchester United. World Cup is coming soon so it will be great as well.
My ticket to Old Trafford - The Man Utd treble '99 winners will be playing in this charity match: Yorke, Cole, Johnsen, Stam, Irwin, and many others from different eras. There will also be performances by UK pop artistes and dance groups.
0 comments:
Post a Comment